Last night my TN pain woke me up from a peaceful sleep. I remember I was fighting zombies and I was winning. I woke up and the clock said 5:12 a.m. I stumbled to the kitchen and took my amour thyroid and waited in agony. I was waiting for the next burning electrical shock to course through my face. Waiting until I could pop a klonopin in hopes of finding some relief. Waiting for 8:00 am to roll around so I could call my doctor and beg for an appointment. Finally at 5:59, I take my klonopin knowing I have about 30 minutes more of agony. My husband volunteers to take E to school. Klonopin makes me feel drunk which is why its probably a good anti-anxiety drug. I have 7 days until my surgery.
I have to explain to appointment taker that I need to speak my doctor's nurse because her schedule is full. In between the pain, I try to utter a coherent string of words. Finally, I get through to her nurse, I forget how to say TN and just blurt out "I need meds". I get on the schedule, they are going to squeeze me in. I need to shower and wait for a little bit until I feel a little bit sober to brave the Houston highways.
I then try to explain to the receptionist that I don't owe a copay or have a balance all while electric bolts are surging through my face. If my surgery wasn't soon, I would just cards. I finally see my doctor, I point to my face and she knows I need a shot of lidocaine. I feel my body start to relax and I know in a few hours, the burning edge will be taking off of my TN attacks. I get maybe 4 shots a year - hardly an addict. The last time I was at the ER, I was treated as a drug addict. I refuse to see most medical professionals other my doctor who knows me for my condition.
I meet my husband for lunch and then I stumble into work. Stress, stress and more stress greet me. I'm trying to train someone to take over my work while I'm out and I feel my face start to burn again. Stress can be a trigger for me.
6 more days until my surgery.