Another day... another shot

Last night my TN pain woke me up from a peaceful sleep.  I remember I was fighting zombies and I was winning.  I woke up and the clock said 5:12 a.m.  I stumbled to the kitchen and took my amour thyroid and waited in agony.  I was waiting for the next burning electrical shock to course through my face.  Waiting until I could pop a klonopin in hopes of finding some relief.  Waiting for 8:00 am to roll around so I could call my doctor and beg for an appointment.  Finally at 5:59, I take my klonopin knowing I have about 30 minutes more of agony.  My husband volunteers to take E to school.   Klonopin makes me feel drunk which is why its probably a good anti-anxiety drug.  I have 7 days until my surgery.

I have to explain to appointment taker that I need to speak my doctor's nurse because her schedule is full.  In between the pain, I try to utter a coherent string of words.  Finally, I get through to her nurse, I forget how to say TN and just blurt out "I need meds".  I get on the schedule, they are going to squeeze me in.  I need to shower and wait for a little bit until I feel a little bit sober to brave the Houston highways.

I then try to explain to the receptionist that I don't owe a copay or have a balance all while electric bolts are surging through my face.  If my surgery wasn't soon, I would just cards.  I finally see my doctor, I point to my face and she knows I need a shot of lidocaine.  I feel my body start to relax and I know in a few hours, the burning edge will be taking off of my TN attacks.  I get maybe 4 shots a year - hardly an addict.  The last time I was at the ER, I was treated as a drug addict.  I refuse to see most medical professionals other my doctor who knows me for my condition.

I meet my husband for lunch and then I stumble into work.  Stress, stress and more stress greet me.  I'm trying to train someone to take over my work while I'm out and I feel my face start to burn again.  Stress can be a trigger for me.

6 more days until my surgery.